"For You O Lord are a shield about me, You are the glory and lifter of my head. Psalm 3:3

"For You O Lord are a shield about me, You are the glory and lifter of my head. Psalm 3:3

Thursday, September 12, 2013

The Mundane Matters

Lately I am preoccupied with the mundane every day.  Partly because it is the place I'm blessed to invest in day after day.  Partly because it's a juggling act and the dust is settling and we're in forward progression of new normals and new pace.

And partly because I miss my dad.
Come winter it will be 5 years since he passed away and I do my best to remember the pieces to that day I never want to forget, and trust Him to remove the images with wounds running deep.
He is faithful.
I buried my dad and anyone who has walked this road knows you bury more than a person because you lose the years to come.  You lose watching him grow old, not from the chemo aging him so harshly, but from too many hours in the sun walking through his garden.
He was supposed to age and become the old man telling jokes, needing suspenders for his pants, and talking about how just a minute ago we were little and sat just right on his lap while he mowed acres of green on his great blue tractor.

I don't have pictures but I remember clear as day.  I remember the smell of the cantaloupe and how he'd smile at me and say how it was just right, just needing a sprinkle of salt and a napkin.
The other night I had a dream about my him.  In my dream I walk into my old house, my childhood house.  I'm the only one there and my dad is already passed but I know where I'm going and what I'm in search of.  I walk into the bedroom and into the closet and see all of his clothes.  In reality, clothes I haven't seen in years, in decades.  In reality I can't smell him, only reminders and similar fragrances that trigger a memory.  But in my dream, I can smell him as I touch each piece of fabric.  Blazers, striped shirts, college sweatshirts.
I will bring you dreams of the things to come.
The dream brings deep swells of gratitude.  Because I asked the Lord for this.
I will bring you dreams of the things to come.
His whispers are faithful and near.
Because He is faithful and near.

A shift happens on so many levels during loss.  It's different for everyone, for every situation, for every family and in due season, the unraveling of grief and sadness shifts in realms both grand and small.  Right now they shift in the every day.  The mundane details that seem irrelevant.

The every day matters.

The happy times, the sad times.  The messes we make in their hearts when we choose performance over relationship and compliance over connection.  When I fail my standard brought on by comparison and quests of perfection.  Responding to him in frustration when all he needed was a touch and a whisper that I believe in him.
Thank goodness for weakness because it's the only pathway for Him to bring His might and strength.  The only way for this desperate heart to receive the grace that revives and overwhelms each day.

The little pieces of mundane, like granules of sand fill up in their hearts and minds.
They fill our hearts too.

One day they will sift through the sand.

I wonder what they will remember.

They will know how deeply the Father's love runs for them.
They will know of this royal family in His kingdom, that their are heirs to the throne of the Most High King.
May they know how the mundane wasn't perfect, far from it...but that His nearness and faithfulness in that place unlocks a freedom and a joy like nothing else every will.

...Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom."
2 Corinthians 3:17